Short eulogy

Make this speech your own

This structure helps you shape your own memories into words; the stories must be yours. Replace every bracketed marker with something true about the person, and leave out anything you are not sure of or would not want said aloud. The examples below are fictional prompts, not facts about anyone. Change they and them to the words that fit the person.

The // mark means pause; do not read it aloud. Use the default script, or swap in one of the openings or closings below. Do not add every alternative to the same speech.

With the fictional examples filled in, the default script is 245 words. At 125 words per minute, that is about two minutes. Your own details and pauses will change the time, so read your finished version aloud and time it.

Details to gather

SPEAKER — What name should you introduce yourself by? Fictional example: Jordan

RELATION — How were you connected to them? Complete 'I was…' Fictional example: her neighbor for twenty years

[LOVED_ONE] — What name did people know them by? Fictional example: Ruth

DESCRIPTION — What few words would people who knew them recognize? Fictional example: practical, warm and always the first to offer help

STORY — What one short story shows who they were? Write two or three sentences. Fictional example: When the power went out on our street for three days one winter, Ruth knocked on every door with a thermos of soup and a list of who needed what. By the second day, she had the whole street checking on each other.

[WHAT_LEFT] — What did they leave in you, or teach you? Fictional example: the habit of checking on the people around me

[WILL_MISS] — What everyday thing will you miss most? Fictional example: the sound of her knock at the door and the way she asked about my kids by name

CLOSING — How would you like to say goodbye? Write one or two sentences in your own words. Fictional example: Thank you, Ruth. We'll keep checking on each other, the way you showed us.

Introduce yourself

My name is SPEAKER, and I was RELATION. Thank you for letting me share a few words about [LOVED_ONE] today. I know how much [LOVED_ONE] meant to so many of you here. //

Say who they were

If I had to describe [LOVED_ONE] to someone who never met them, I would say DESCRIPTION. Many of you could add your own words to that list, and I hope you'll share them with each other today. //

Tell one story

There is one story I keep coming back to. STORY // I keep coming back to it because it shows who [LOVED_ONE] was more clearly than anything I could say about them. //

Say what they leave behind

What [LOVED_ONE] leaves with me is [WHAT_LEFT]. I didn't realize how much of it I had learned until now. I will carry it with me for a long time, and I'm grateful for it. //

Name what you'll miss

I will miss [WILL_MISS]. I think many of us will. It's the small, everyday things we notice first. //

Say goodbye

CLOSING

Two optional openings

Good morning. I'm SPEAKER. I'm one of several people sharing memories of [LOVED_ONE] today, so I'll keep mine brief.

Thank you all for being here. I'm SPEAKER, and I'd like to share one memory of [LOVED_ONE].

Two optional closings

Thank you, [LOVED_ONE]. We will remember you.

We miss you, [LOVED_ONE], and we are grateful for every day we had with you.

Prepare a version you can say

If several people are speaking, ask the family or the officiant how long you have and who speaks before you, so stories don't repeat.

Print your words in large type, or keep them on your phone with the screen set to stay on. It's fine to read every word.

If your voice breaks, stop, breathe and look at the next line. Bring a second copy that someone else could read for you if needed.

Words that honor them

Share only what is true and kind, and what the family would be comfortable hearing. Nothing negative about the person who died belongs here.

Leave out religious or afterlife statements unless you know they reflect the person and the family. If the family wants a reading or prayer, follow their lead.

Questions before the day

How long should a short eulogy be? This script runs about two minutes. When several people are speaking, ask the family how long each person has.

What do you say in a short eulogy? Introduce yourself, describe the person in a few true words, share one story and say what they leave with you.

Is it okay to read a eulogy from paper? Yes. Many people read every word, and large type makes it easier.

What if I can't get through it? Pause and breathe. Ask a friend or family member beforehand to stand ready with a copy, so they can finish for you if needed.