Eulogy for a grandmother or grandfather

Make this speech your own

This structure helps you shape your own memories into words; the stories must be yours. Replace every bracketed marker with something true about the person, and leave out anything you are not sure of or would not want said aloud. The examples below are fictional prompts, not facts about anyone.

The // mark means pause; do not read it aloud. Use the default script, or swap in one of the openings or closings below. Do not add every alternative to the same speech.

With the fictional examples filled in, the default script is 470 words. At 125 words per minute, that is about four minutes. Your own details and pauses will change the time, so read your finished version aloud and time it.

Details to gather

SPEAKER — What name should you introduce yourself by? Fictional example: Sam

GRANDPARENT — What did the grandchildren call them? Fictional example: Grandma June

HOMETOWN — Where did they grow up? Fictional example: a farm town in the Midwest

[LIFE_OUTLINE] — What would you like people to know about their life before and beyond the grandchildren? Write one sentence that starts with a verb. Fictional example: raised four children, worked thirty years as a school secretary and could name every student who ever came through the office

PLACE — What place do you most connect with them? Fictional example: her kitchen, with the radio always on

[PLACE_MEMORY] — What happened there that you remember? Write two or three sentences. Fictional example: Every Saturday she taught one grandchild a recipe from her card box. When it was my turn, we made bread, and she let me knead it far longer than it needed.

HABIT — What habit or routine was unmistakably theirs? Fictional example: writing the date on the back of every photograph

SAYING — What did they often say? Use their own words. Fictional example: 'Leave it better than you found it.'

GRANDCHILDREN — What do the other grandchildren remember? Gather one or two lines from each. Fictional example: My cousin Leo remembers learning to fish with her at the lake. My sister remembers the birthday cards that always arrived exactly on time.

LESSON — What did they teach you, by example more than by words? Fictional example: that you can be busy and still make time for people

CARRY — What will you carry forward from them? Write one sentence. Fictional example: I'm going to keep writing the date on the back of my photos.

Introduce yourself

My name is SPEAKER, and I'm one of GRANDPARENT's grandchildren. Thank you all for being here to remember and honor GRANDPARENT with us. //

Tell a little of their life

Before we were grandchildren, GRANDPARENT had a whole life that many of us only heard about in stories. GRANDPARENT grew up in HOMETOWN. Later, GRANDPARENT [LIFE_OUTLINE]. // We knew GRANDPARENT as the center of our family. The people GRANDPARENT worked with, volunteered with and lived beside knew another side, and our family would love to hear those stories from you after the service. //

Start with a place

When I think of GRANDPARENT, I think of PLACE. // [PLACE_MEMORY] // That's the picture I carry of GRANDPARENT: present, patient and paying attention. If I close my eyes, I can still see it exactly. //

Name a habit

Anyone who spent time with GRANDPARENT knew about HABIT. It might seem like a small thing. But small habits are how we remember people, and this one is so completely GRANDPARENT. //

Share their words

GRANDPARENT had a saying that many of us heard more than once: SAYING // I didn't always appreciate it when I was young. I do now. I hear it at the strangest moments, and I'm grateful every time. //

Speak for the grandchildren

I asked my cousins and siblings what they remember most. GRANDCHILDREN // We were very different kids, with very different interests, and somehow GRANDPARENT found a way to know each one of us. Each of us had our own GRANDPARENT, with our own memories, and there was always enough to go around. //

Say what they taught

If I had to put GRANDPARENT's life into one lesson, it would be LESSON. That's not something GRANDPARENT ever needed to say out loud. It's something we learned by watching, year after year. //

Say what you'll carry

So here is what I'll carry forward. CARRY It's a small way of keeping GRANDPARENT close, and I think it would have made GRANDPARENT smile. I hope each of us finds our own small way, too. //

Say goodbye

Thank you, GRANDPARENT, for everything you gave this family: the stories, the lessons and the time. You will be missed every day, and loved always.

Two optional openings

Good morning. I'm SPEAKER, and I'm speaking today on behalf of all of GRANDPARENT's grandchildren.

Thank you for being here. I'm SPEAKER, one of GRANDPARENT's grandchildren, and I'd like to share a few of the things we remember.

Two optional closings

Thank you, GRANDPARENT. You made us who we are, and we will remember you always.

We love you, GRANDPARENT. Thank you for every story, every lesson and every bit of time you gave us.

Prepare a version you can say

Gather the other grandchildren's memories a few days ahead. Read their lines back to them so the words are right.

If a saying was their own, say it slowly and let the room hear it. Many people will recognize it.

Print the eulogy in large type and mark each pause. Where the name repeats, swap in she, he or they if that sounds more natural aloud. Bring a second copy someone else could read for you if needed.

Words that honor them

Use only memories that are true and kind, and that the family would be glad to hear. Nothing negative about the person who died belongs here.

Leave out religious or afterlife statements unless you know they reflect your grandparent and the family. If the family wants a reading or prayer, follow their lead.

Questions before the day

How long should a eulogy for a grandparent be? This script runs about four minutes. If other family members are speaking, ask how long each person has.

How do I write a eulogy for my grandmother or grandfather? Start with a place you connect with them, then a habit, a saying and a few memories from the other grandchildren, and end with what you'll carry forward.

Should I include memories from other grandchildren? Yes. A line or two from each person helps the whole family feel included.

What if I didn't know my grandparent well? Use the memories other family members share with you, and say that you are speaking for them.